God Taught Me to Value What I Was Being Taught

I've been a church goer my whole life, even before I professed my faith in Christ. As long as I can remember, I have had a genuine love for church, though that love may look a little different now than it did while I was growing up. 

Now, I love corporate worship primarily because of the opportunity to sit under good teaching and to connect with God during the singing. 

Then, I loved corporate worship primarily for the singing (yes, they were hymns; our youth group jammed to Pass It On) and because I got to hang out with my best buddies. 

I had a really cute notebook I took to church with me. It was kind of a teal green color, and it was really a book cover for spiral notebooks. So, when I filled up a spiral notebook, I could replace it and still have the cute teal cover. Brilliant!

I started taking the notebook to church after I was shushed a few too many times while ripping open offering envelopes to write notes to my friends. Ah, yes, as you may have suspected, my cute notebook wasn't for TAKING notes during the sermon; it was for PASSING notes during the sermon. 

I would ask you not to tell on me, but the note passing would not surprise a soul. I will NEVER forget the time my pastor pulled me aside and talked to me about my behavior during church. It turns out my talking with my friend in the balcony (you know who you are! Haha!) and passing notes distracted him when he preached. MORTIFIED! I felt awful. And I was embarrassed. Now I'm reliving it. Oh my. I'm so thankful he was kind, gentle, and gracious when he spoke to me. 

He reminds me of how the Lord deals with me. 

Fast forward to my college days at North Greenville. I don't remember the exact moment I started taking notes during sermons, but there was a definite transition from passing notes to taking notes. Lots and lots of notes. I have filled numerous notebooks over the years taking notes during sermons. 

And I paid more attention to what was being taught. 

Through the process of taking notes, God taught me to value what I was being taught. 

This wasn't an overnight process. It took years. Sanctification often looks like that - very gradual, lasting change.

I want that for my physical health. Just like I went from passing notes to taking notes, I want to go from apathy regarding my body to viewing my body and my physical health the way God does.

I want God to teach me to value my body and my health. He created my body, knit me together in my mama's womb (Psalm 139:13). His Spirit dwells within me (Romans 8:9-11)! Both of those things AMAZE me. 

So ...

Why did I start this journey at 323.6 pounds?

Simple. 

My cognitive beliefs and my functional beliefs do not line up in this area. 

So I need Jesus! I need the grace of God. Just like He so graciously worked in my life over the course of a decade to teach me to value what I was being taught, I believe He will take the next several years (yes, years!) to teach me to value the one and only body He gave me because He made it and dwells in it. 

I'm looking forward to all He has to teach me! I'll be ready with my notebook!

Oh, by the way, don't be surprised if you try to pass me a note during church and I give you the stink eye. It's because I know it doesn't take much for me to regress to teenage Rachelle. :0)

Week 14 Weigh-In

Hi, everyone! I'm sorry I didn't post last week. I've been in a bit of a funk regarding this whole weight loss thing.

The funk isn't just about not wanting to exercise or wanting to be able to eat pizza every day (seriously, I would) or having a deep love for deep fried appetizers and mini candy bars. This funk is really about me being a bratty Christian, one who is reckless with grace.

That reality struck me yesterday as I cleaned off a pile of candy wrappers from my nightstand.

"God, thank You for Jesus. Can I eat all the candy bars I want, too?"

"God, thank You for being enough, and I know You're enough, but could I have more pizza?"

"Jesus, I know You gave your life away for me, but I don't want to get out of bed and exercise."

"God, this surely can't be what You meant by an abundant life, right? I mean, an abundant life would include a lot more fast food. In my humble opinion."

I had a particularly bratty moment when I didn't get what I wanted one day. "James said we would be blessed in the doing! I don't feel very blessed in the doing right now!" (See James 1:25.)

You see, I knew in the moment that I was misappropriating God's Word for my circumstances, but I didn't care.

Reckless.

I know the sacrifice God made in giving us His Son. I know the sacrifices Jesus made for me. I know the grace upon grace He gives - and that He gives MORE grace (James 4:6).

But I stomp my feet and throw fits (sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively) and demand what I want. Every time, I'm telling Jesus He isn't enough. Every time, I'm telling Him my way is better. Every time, I'm telling Him He doesn't know what He's doing with my life.

Reckless.

But.

Here's the beautiful, glorious, gracious truth:

He loves me anyway.

He won't stop loving me.

When He looks at me, He sees Jesus, and He loves me.

He knows I'm broken, and He offers healing.

He knows what I want, and He offers me better things.

He offers forgiveness through Christ when I sin, even when I'm really bratty about it.

The same is true for you, believers, and can be true for those of you who don't believe if you place your trust in Christ.

This doesn't mean God won't discipline me or allow me to go through trials. He has, does, and will continue doing so. And I'm thankful for His discipline! I'm thankful for the trials! They're making me more like Christ. As evidenced by my regular foot stomping (and not in the cool, Irish dancing kind of way), I still have a long, long way to go. I'm thankful the Holy Spirit is taking me down that journey, one step at a time.

I've been pondering some of the ways I can tell God has been working in me over the last 3 months (yes! 3 months!), and I thought I'd share them with you (though small they may be):

• My typical school routine included purchasing fast food for breakfast during my commute. Often, it was Sonic. When I went to Sonic, I purchased at least a large, sometimes a Route 44, Diet Dr. Pepper with vanilla, and I slurped it as I rode the elevator to my class on the second floor of the school building. For at least the last two months of school, I took the stairs on my way to class, and I haven't had a soda in 3 months. God is gracious!
• We participated in a scavenger hunt a couple of weeks ago. MANY trips up and down the stairs and all over the church building were involved - with 10 children - 8 of which were BOYS. Three months ago, I don't think I would have made it past the first couple of clues, but I stuck it out for the entire scavenger hunt. God is gracious!
• A few days ago, we helped a friend move out of her second story apartment. Three months ago, I don't know if I would have been able to help, especially with the constant trips up and down the stairs. But I did it! God is gracious!
• Three months ago, I rarely went to the grocery store, and I had grown very slack about meal planning. While acknowledging I still have a LONG way to go in this area, I've seen definite improvements. God is gracious!
• I used to make multiple trips to QT for snacks during the week (there is a QT close to school). Now, I don't remember the last time I purchased something to eat there. God is gracious!
• It had been YEARS since I exercised regularly, and exercising has become a priority for me (most weeks!). God is gracious!
• I lost 1.5 pounds since my last post, bringing my total weight lost up to 38.3 pounds and my current weight down to 285.3 pounds. God is gracious!

So, what about you? Is there an area in your life where you stomp your feet and insist your way is better than God's way? For me, it's food. For you, it could be something completely different. Maybe you won't submit your finances to God. Maybe you've sensed God calling you to change jobs or to move into a neighborhood you don't like. Maybe God has been nudging you to go on a mission trip to meet the needs of others and share the Gospel with them. Maybe He wants you to watch less TV and spend more time in His Word and prayer. Maybe there's a relationship in your life that needs mending. I could go on, but I bet I don't need to. You know what it is without me providing more possibilities.

What's stopping you? 

Christmas is a week from today. God has already given you the greatest gift EVER - His Son, Jesus, God with us. What's He asking you to give to Him? I bet you won't even have to wrap it. :O)

Week 12 Weigh-In

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We enjoyed time with part of our family, and we're looking forward to seeing everyone else over Christmas. 

My eating has been all over the place. I have the munchies non-stop. Thankfully, I've kept up with exercising. 

I lost 2.9 pounds, bringing my total weight loss up to 36.8 pounds and my current weight down to 286.8 pounds. Considering the munchies ... and the Japanese food ... and the Chili's ... and the two trips to CiCi's pizza ... good grief, I'm pleased!

Now I need to get back on track for real! I have a goal for the end of the year, and I want to reach it!

Week 11

"The nice thing is we've lost weight, so we take up less room in the bed," said Joseph with a hint of optimism and a dash of sarcasm. The bed he referred to is the full size bed we share at my grandmother's house. We're used to our plush king size bed at home. First world problems. 

We've been at my grandmother's house for a whopping 3, maybe 4, hours, and my jeans already feel tighter. My resolve is slipping. My scale is scared. 

"Home" does that to me. 

It conjures up emotions I've stuffed down with enough fast food and processed pastries to fill out a pair of size 26 jeans with no room to spare. 

"Home" triggers my food reflex faster than anything/anywhere/anyone else. Because I conditioned it to. 

"Home" wasn't always a place I wanted to escape to. More often, it was a place I wanted to escape from. And I did. As quickly as I could. I had to return home to graduate high school, because I had already left town. 

When I couldn't escape physically, I escaped mentally and emotionally, often with a bag of marshmallows or a bowl of ice cream or a roll of cookie dough. Or all three. I zoned out in a dark room, illuminated only by the flicker of the television, and I ate until I was numb. 

As soon as my car reaches Horry County, I'm hungry. 

My grandmother's kitchen beckons me all hours of the day and night. The later in the evening, the louder the siren song grows. 

Tonight is no different. I hear the kitchen calling for me. I already answered it once, eating half a chocolate chip cookie. I only stopped because the cookie was really gross. 

So, tonight, I'm trying something new. I'm praying, and I'm reminding myself of things I know to be true:

God is good.

 

God is wise.

 

God is kind.

 

God is faithful.

 

When no one else wanted me, God adopted me into His family. Because of Jesus, God is my daddy, and I'm His little girl. I am a co-heir with Christ. 

When God looks at me, He sees Jesus. 

Because I placed my trust in Jesus, God sees me not only as though I never sinned but as though I always lived right. Because Jesus paid the price for me. 

The satisfaction of food is fleeting. God is eternal.

The imperfect homes I've had and will continue to have on earth are temporary. I have a perfect home waiting for me in Heaven, and it's eternal, and it's with Jesus!

God loves me because I am His and because of Jesus. He doesn't merely tolerate me. He doesn't love me in spite of my flaws, my failures, my FAT; He just loves me. 

I didn't deserve the grace God extended to me through Jesus, and I need to stop making other people earn grace from me. 

I have been forgiven much, and there is joy in forgiving much. And freedom. 

I can have marshmallows and ice cream and cookie dough and the other things I didn't mention eating. In moderation. And with pure motives. 

I don't need food to cope or to medicate or mask my emotions. I just need Jesus, and He is even more available than convenience food. 

There will be numerous disappointments in this life, but Jesus isn't one of them. 

Food that is seasoned with guilt never tastes as good. 

I probably should have gone to counseling, but I can't change that. I can confide in the Wonderful Counselor anytime and any place. And He won't charge me, because the bill has already been paid. 

There are many other truths worth rejoicing in. What truths do you preach to yourself when you face temptation or when you need strength or encouragement?

I'm skipping my weigh-in this week, but I'll weigh in next Wednesday. Happy Thanksgiving!

Week 10 Weigh-In

Hi, everyone! Since I posted a lengthy update a few days ago, I thought I would keep this one somewhat brief. I'm typing on my phone to hold myself to that. :0)

First, Joseph and I are extremely excited! We're going on a mission trip to Monterrey, Mexico in June. We'll be working with an orphanage. As we know more, I'll share with you. Sadly, if I hadn't started losing weight, I probably would have ignored God's call to go. I just couldn't imagine being able to do it physically. I don't even know if I would have been able to fit in a seat on the plane. But, I'm now well on my way to being able to fit in a seat and to be able to endure physically what we're asked to do. 

We've decided to use our weight loss journey to raise money for our trip (we need $3400 total). You may recall that we give each other $10 when we lose 10 pounds. We've had a few people offer to match that as encouragement for us. We're extending that opportunity to all of you. If you'd like to pledge $10 for my next 10 pounds (or Joseph's or both), let me know. You can pledge for one round of 10 pounds or for every time I/we reach a 10 pound milestone. We'll be raising money through May, so you can jump in at any time. I think this would be a fun way for you to partner with us on our trip. 

Second, I weighed in today. I lost 3.9 pounds, bringing my total weight loss up to 33.9 pounds and my current weight down to 289.7 pounds. God is so good and faithful! I'm happy to report that He has helped me lose 10% of my starting weight. It feels so good to reach that milestone! Once I reach my goal weight, I will have lost 58% of my starting weight, so I only need to do what I've already done about 5 more times. That's not too bad! Right? Haha!

Thanks again for your support and encouragement. I really appreciate you!

Week 9 Weigh-In

First, let me say I'm really touched that at least one person realized I hadn't posted yet this week. That means at least one person knows I normally post on Wednesdays! That makes me happy, because I'm really honored that any of you read any of my posts.

Now, because the blog exists as a means of accountability, I'm going to tell you the two reasons I didn't post sooner. First, we really were busier this week than we typically are. I know that's a generic excuse, but the blog didn't get top priority. Second, I've been angry about my weight loss over the past week. Remember that tenth of a pound I tried so hard to lose last week? Well, I finally lost it. NINE days later. AFTER I gained a few pounds. I could tell my body was angry with me about some choices I made, and I was angry right back at it.

Since I'm all about being real here, I'm going to be honest and tell you I struggled a lot this past week.  I cried several times. One of those times was because I wanted pizza, so Husby said we could have pizza, and I cried and told him we shouldn't have pizza, so he decided to be strong and lead and decide we would make a better choice and eat some yummy leftovers we had at home, so I cried because I still wanted pizza. It was not one of my finer moments. I found myself relating to a blog post I read recently about toddler melt-downs, and I wasn't relating to the parents. I was relating to the toddler. Big time.

There were several times I had a STRONG temptation to pick up fast food. And not a healthy, responsible choice at a fast food restaurant. A fried one. Deep fried. Very deep. The main reason I didn't give into the temptations was because I couldn't decide what I wanted.

Monday the 11th marked two months that I've been at this, and I think I hit a wall. It was like I was walking around trying to break in new shoes that were giving me blisters, and all I wanted to do was put on my favorite, well-worn flip flops.

It wasn't that I wanted to go back to my old lifestyle necessarily. I was just tired of my new one. I wanted some kind of in between, and I knew that wouldn't work. I fought with myself a ton. I wish I had prayed more and asked the Holy Spirit to help me. But I didn't.

So we decided to take a break for a couple of days. Some of you may think that's a bad idea, and maybe it was, but it kept me from quitting. It kept me from abandoning everything I'm trying to do here. It kept me sane. It gave me an opportunity to eat Moe's for the first time in over six weeks.

Confession: These words actually came out of my mouth while I was eating Moe's. "My stomach started hurting a few minutes in, but I pushed through it." HA!

You probably know me well enough by now to know I'm not going to follow that confession up by telling you I regretted pushing through those stomach pains. I loved every bite of my lunch that day. QUESO!! Also, I only ate about 2/3 (if not less) of my lunch instead of finishing every last morsel of it. Baby steps, folks.

After taking a break, I've done a little better at staying on track. I've exercised twice over the last few days, versus only once last week. And I finally lost that tenth of a pound.

That brings me to my weigh-in. I lost .1 pound, bringing my total weight lost up to 30.0 pounds and my current weight down to 293.6 pounds. Woo hoo! It felt really good to reach that goal, even if it wasn't when I wanted to reach it. God is still good and faithful, and He gives good gifts - like taking nine days to lose a tenth of a pound. That was for my good and His glory. How do I know that? Because I believe all really means all: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28 NASB).

Now it's time for comparison photos! I'm starting to tell a slight difference. At least now I can feel a major difference in my pants. After wearing my jeans for a couple of days, they start feeling like hammer pants. Guess I'll have to start washing them more often. (I promise I'm not gross.)

Side note: Please don't judge my photo editing skills by the comparison photos I post on this blog. :O)

Also, please forgive my greasy hair. It looks like I styled it with fried chicken. I showered soon after this photo was taken.

So, please tell me you've struggled before. Tell me you've hit a wall before and it gave you a bloody nose, but you persevered. I need to read those stories.

Thanks, friends!

Week 8 Weigh-In

True story: I weighed in this morning and then spent the next 8 hours trying to lose a tenth of a pound. I tried desperately to have just enough "in" to motivate the "out". It's a delicate balance when one is trying to lose a tenth of a pound. Then I ate too many grapes, and the scale went up. Boo. 

All day long I obsessed over something I thought I could control, something I thought I could will into reality. I even hoped the blood I had drawn today weighed a tenth of a pound. I weighed as soon as I got home. The scale didn't budge. 

When I looked back over those 8 hours, my main accomplishments were reading 23% of The Hunger Games and scrolling through Pinterest. Obsessing over losing a tenth of a pound had cost me almost an entire day. 

Losing weight is more about me growing closer to the Lord than about the numbers on the scale shrinking. Today did not reflect that. Today reflected my monster want to achieve a weight loss goal. 

Today was evidence of why I needed God to draw me to Him and save me through Jesus. I am way too self-absorbed ever to recognize my need for Him. The Holy Spirit had to get my attention today. It's likely if I had succeeded in losing that tenth of a pound, I would have carried on in my self-centered frame of mind. Instead, the Holy Spirit reminded me that this is about Him and not about me. 

This is the part where I should tell you my heart is filled with joy and overflowing with thanksgiving because it doesn't matter that I didn't lose that tenth of a pound because Jesus is sweeter than the numbers on that scale. I choose not to lie on this blog. 

I KNOW that Jesus is sweeter, and I pray that day by day I will live my life like I know that. Today hasn't been one of those days. Instead, it's been a day that has reminded me how much I need the Holy Spirit to help me walk in step with Him. For that, I am truly thankful.

So, for those of you who are curious, I lost 5.4 pounds this week (proving I was indeed retaining water last week), bringing my total weight loss up to 29.9 pounds and my current weight down to 293.7 pounds. I really am thankful for the progress God has made and will continue to make in me. 

Thank you for your continued support. I really appreciate you! Oh! Thank you for praying when I told you I was discouraged about not seeing results. I'm starting to see them now, especially in my pants. I can pull my jeans off without unbuttoning them. Woo hoo!