296.7

I have not been trying to lose weight. I haven't been doing anything that would make that happen. I haven't been drinking enough water, eating the right foods, or exercising. Yet I still have regular thoughts about wanting to be a healthy weight, about not wanting to be so fat.

Kids openly picked on us for being fat one night. Did that motivate me? No.

I'm in the size clothing that I remember oh-so-vividly saying one day, "I hope I'm NEVER that big." Does that motivate me? No.

I'm on blood pressure and cholesterol medicine, and I'm only 29. Has that motivated me? No.

I'm uncomfortable in groups of people because I feel how big I am compared to them. Is that a motivator? No.

What's it going to take? When am I going to get this under control?

I've thought a lot lately about the spiritual aspects of my obesity, the fact that it's sinful for me to be out of control with my eating habits, giving in to glutony on a regular basis. I keep hoping that it will grieve my heart that I'm grieving God's heart by sinning continually in this way. It hasn't happened yet.

Pastor Charlie taught a great message out of 1 Corinthians on Sunday (they're always great). Toward the end of the message, he talked about self-control. He said that most of the time we think of self-control as having enough will-power not to do something. That's not the whole picture. A large part of self-control is wanting something else more. He talked about athletes training for the Olympics. They aren't tempted by a chocolate cake because winning a gold medal is of far greater value to them than the cake.

So I've been contemplating some things that are of greater value to me than out-of-control eating. Here are four things:

1) glorifying God with my body and my actions
2) having a healthy body so I can live a long life with my precious husband
3) being able to have children some day without complications caused by my obesity
4) traveling comfortably (airplanes just weren't made for obese people)

Please be praying that I'll think about these things as I'm tempted to overeat, as I'm tempted to be sedentary rather than exercising, as I'm tempted to drink soda rather than water. Please be praying that I'll stay focused on the big picture. If I can gain the four things I listed above, giving up my unhealthy eating habits isn't really a loss at all.