Week 2 Weigh In

Reasons to Give God Glory

1. God is changing my heart through this process. He is answering prayers, and I adore Him for it.
2. I exercised 6 out of the last 7 days (my goal was 3), and I actually wanted to exercise. I didn't go into it each day with a grumbling spirit. (See #1.)
3. God has provided people to encourage me along the way, including those of you who take the time to read this blog. Thank you for reading!
4. This past weekend was filled with events over which I had little to no control over the food. I was very nervous about that, and I tried my best to plan accordingly. Friday night, I went overboard. Buffalo chicken dip was present, and I have a weakness for buffalo chicken dip. I'm salivating a little as I type this, because there aren't many things in this world that taste better than buffalo chicken dip. I should probably stop writing about buffalo chicken dip now. Rather than beating myself up about going overboard, I chose to walk in grace and move on. Saturday, I did better. I was so nervous about going overboard again that I actually had calories left over at the end of the day. I could have enjoyed another piece of pizza (Two Guys Pizza in Simpsonville has delicious cheese pizza!), but I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad I chose to walk in the self control God has given me rather than strolling down the well-worn path of overeating. I'd like to mention that the My Fitness Pal app made it easy to log what I was eating and know whether or not I was staying on track.
5. I'm learning to plan ahead and make sure to exercise on days when I know there will be something I want to eat that may not fit well into my allotted calories for the day. Thursday was a great example of this. Moe's had their annual Free Queso Day, and I had been looking forward to it for weeks. I wasn't sure if I could handle it though. I have a weakness for queso. It's probably a stronger weakness (ha!) than my weakness for buffalo chicken dip. Queso. Buffalo chicken dip. I'm going to go grab an apple before things get out of control over here. Anywho, I wrestled for a couple of days over whether or not I should participate in Free Queso Day. Guys, it's a whole cup of queso-y goodness. With chips. As much as I love queso, I do not eat it with a spoon. Usually. A cup of queso plus chips is a lot of calories (820 calories for a cup of queso and one side of chips from Moe's, and one side of chips is not enough for a cup of queso). So, after I exercised for 30 minutes, Joseph and I talked it over, and we used Moe's wonderful nutrition calculator, and we strategized. Rather than each purchasing an entree and each receiving a free cup of queso, we made a plan to purchase one entree and split both the entree and the queso. It was perfect! I got queso, and I didn't overeat. I wasn't stuffed, and I still got queso. I enjoyed an evening with my husband and our best friends, and I enjoyed queso. God is good. Amen.
6. I lost another 3 pounds, bringing my total weight lost up to 8.1 pounds and my current weight down to 315.5 pounds. If I could give God a giant hug and squish His cheeks, I would. I'm hoping the smile that beamed from my face and the joy that filled my heart this morning and the praise that eeked out of my lips sufficed until I can run into His arms in Heaven one day. Run. Me? Maybe one day! With my sweet Savior at my side, anything is possible.

Areas Where I Need Prayer

• I want to continue on this journey with pure motives. I want to do this out of a heart that loves the Lord and wants to honor Him. Please pray I don't exchange the idols of food and comfort for idols of dieting, exercising, checking My Fitness Pal, longing for comments on my blog, vanity, pride, etc.
• I'm struggling with drinking enough water each day. It isn't that I don't like water or I'm drinking alternate beverages (that's what our doctor calls sodas - cute, huh?). It's just that I don't drink much at all on a given day anyway. That needs to change if I want to make progress.
• Pray I don't get bored on the journey. I have a tendency to get bored with things quickly. I really don't want that to happen.
• Pray I will encourage Husby along the way. I don't want to brush him aside in this pursuit.
• Pray my love for the Lord grows deeper and stronger each day as I learn to depend on Him, as I look to Him to satisfy the cravings in my heart.

YOU

How can I be praying for you over the next week? What is God doing in your life? Even if you don't struggle with the same idols and sins as I do, is God breaking through to you about something? Are you falling more in love with Him through the process? I'd love to hear from you!

The Battle Isn't Over Donuts

"If you love Me, you will keep My commands." ~ John 14:15

One day, about a week ago, I was very hungry on my way home from school. That's a 30-45 minute drive, which is a long time to be focused on being hungry. About 10 minutes in to my drive, I turned into Dunkin Donuts. I wanted blueberry munchkins (so delicious). They were out of them, so I settled on two glazed donuts.

I ate the first donut pretty quickly. As I bit into the second donut, a battle started within me. It went something like this:

"Do you love Me?"

"Yes, of course."

"Do you really love Me?"

"Yes, I really love You."

"More than that donut?"

"Of course, but I still want to eat this donut."

"Is that the obedient thing to do?"

"Um ... I really want this donut."

(Please keep in mind that I was eating this donut during the entire battle. Battles of the spiritual nature don't require hands, and I only needed one hand on the steering wheel.)

"Do you want to be obedient to Me more than you want that donut?"

".......................................... Sigh ............................ Yes."

I didn't finish the donut.

I threw the rest of it away when I arrived at home.

For me, this battle isn't over donuts. This is a spiritual battle. This is a matter of conforming my will to My Father's will, a matter of being obedient. 

You know what? The cool thing is that Jesus already won the victory over sin. I just need to walk in that victory. I wasn't walking in victory as I bit into the second donut, but I was when I put down the 3/8 of the donut that was left. I don't say that pridefully. I say that to brag on my Savior, because I LOVE donuts. "They're my one true weakness" (Larkrise to Candleford - watch it). The power of the Holy Spirit is the only thing that will help me put down a donut (or not go to Dunkin Donuts in the first place). 

I'm excited to watch the Holy Spirit at work in my life. How is He at work in yours?

Week 1 Weigh In

So I made it through my first week. I didn't even realize I was really jumping into this until a few days had gone by.  I'll try to sum up some things for you without you having to read a lot. I'll use bullet points to assist.

• I decided to exercise on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I have no good excuses on those days, because I only have school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So far, I've exercised four times. That may be more than I've exercised all year. 
• I've been using Walk Away the Pounds to exercise. I'll post about those videos one day. They're great for someone like me. And they're paid for (well, for me they are; if you don't own them already, they aren't).
• My eating has been hit or miss. I've been logging it semi-consistently on My Fitness Pal. If I blew it at dinner, I didn't log it. I'll start doing better.
• I really like My Fitness Pal, even more than I liked it before. If you want to be friends on MFP, look me up. My user name is chubbychelle. Just mention my blog, and I'll accept your request.
• The book Made to Crave is on its way to me. I'm looking forward to reading it.
• I've taken the stairs the last three times I've been to school. They hurt. I'm out of breath when I get to the top. I've been doing it anyway. But then I gave into peer pressure and took the elevator at church last night. Just being honest. Want to know what the peer pressure sounded like? "Going up?" Me: "Yep!" If any of your children are as weak as I am, please talk to them about drugs and peer pressure and stuff. Today. Seriously. Why are you still reading?
• I actually sort of meal planned for us yesterday, and we actually bought groceries. I'm excited to try four new recipes this week. They're at least a responsible amount of calories per serving, so if they're yummy, I'll share them with you. 
• I lost 5.1 pounds this week. 

After I posted last week, I kept thinking about "aha" moments and making this stick. And I kept thinking about my sin and God's grace. I thought about a lot of things. I think I'm arriving at a point where I know I just have to do this. I have to be obedient. Because God loves me so much and has been so gracious to me, I want to show my love to Him through obedience to Him. Sitting around and waiting for an "aha" moment was me just sitting around in my sin getting fatter and harder of heart (probably both spiritually and physically). 

He loves me in all of my 300+ pounds of fatty grossness, because I'm His. He's going to love me through all of my failings in this area, because I'm bought by a price, the blood of His precious Son. 

He loves you, too. Wherever you are. Is He calling you to be obedient in an area of your life? It may not be weight loss. It may be your finances or your tongue or how many hours a day you play Candy Crush (I picked things I'm struggling with so we could all still be friends at the end of this post). Whatever it is, talk to Him about it. He's a great listener. If you're a believer, ask God to help you walk in the grace, the self-control, the peace, the joy He's already given you as His child. He'll do it.

For anyone who is curious, here's what I looked like last Wednesday. I didn't take a picture today, because I still look like this. My plan is to take pictures every 10 pounds lost. Hopefully, I'll have another set of pictures for you in 2-3 weeks. Thanks for reading!

Side note: If you see me standing with my ankles rolled like that, please tell me to stop. Thanks!

Why Hasn't it Clicked for Me?

Why hasn't it - this weight loss thing - clicked for me?

I have tried losing weight off and on since I was eight years old, and I am now thirty-two.

And it hasn't clicked.

Sure, I have had success in the past. I can think of two times in my life that were the most successful.

The first was when I was in seventh grade, and my mom surprise attacked me with Weight Watchers. To the best of my recollection, she didn't tell me I was starting Weight Watchers until we were on our way to my first meeting. To say I was angry would be an understatement. A big understatement. I lost 13 pounds the first week. Would anyone else like to have the metabolism of a seventh grader again? I think my total weight loss was around 40 pounds, and I was still about 30 pounds overweight. The program stopped working for me when my mom stopped doing the bulk of the leg work for me. (That's not me blaming my mom, just stating a fact.)

The second time I was successful was when I was 23. I was using diet pills, and I had a ton of free time during the day. I used that free time to spend two hours at a time on a treadmill. Also, I don't recall eating a wide variety of food. Frozen chicken breasts were in my budget, and they were easy to cook on a George Foreman grill. I lost 25 pounds, and I was still about 70+ pounds overweight. I stopped losing weight when my gym shut down unexpectedly and I stopped taking pills.

Now I'm 32, and I am 189 pounds overweight (I only weighed a little over 189 pounds after I lost those 25 pounds when I was 23 - a thought that just made me nauseated and teary-eyed). As of this morning, I weigh 323.6 pounds. I have gained 26.6 pounds in the last year.

Almost two years ago, I set out with a renewed gusto to lose weight and blog about it. I think I lasted 10 days.

Why didn't it click?

Husby and I went to the doctor back in June, and we were both convicted again that we needed to lose weight. We walked once, and I think we ate a little better for a few days.

Why didn't it click?

As I'm typing this, I know I want to lose weight. I want to lose all 189 pounds of fat that weigh me down each and every day. I exercised this morning and drank a green goddess smoothie (for something that looks like it came out of a diaper, it's pretty tasty). I logged my exercise and my smoothie on My Fitness Pal. I read my blog posts from two years ago and actually felt a little motivated by my own words. I read someone else's blog. Could this be the start of something good?

Maybe.

Yet I fear that it won't click. Again.

So for those of you who have had success, big or small, how did it click for you? I hear regularly about people having "aha!" moments and being wildly successful. I think I've had those moments, but they don't last for me. How did you make yours last?

I'm not trying to sound whiney. I guess I just feel a little vulnerable right now, and I want to know how to make it click this time. I'm humble before the Lord, and I'm humble before you, asking for help.